Every player sold has 'fucked Davey's mum'....

It has been sensationally revealed today that each of the players Simon Davey has sold over the past 18 months has done his mum up the ring.

It comes after the news the Martin Devaney maybe leaving the club. There is no reason for this other than him 'fucking Davey off'.

Davey explains, 'To be honest, I wouldn't mind if they'd at least ring her (scuse the pun) afterwards. But the bastards just leave her tied up in her padded basement and locked into the swing. It's just not on and it's not the type of behaviour I expect from any of my players.'

He then goes on to explain his strategy to get round the problem:

'First things first, Devaney is a good looking bastard. I had to put a stop to that. It' s got nothing to do with the fact that he's not done too well over the past 12 months except two blinding crosses on the box.'

'To make sure I at least had 11 players, over the past 18 months I've had a policy of signing only Eastern Europenas who won't understand my Welsh mothers advances or pig ugly ones, like Odejayi and Rob Kozluk. Although, I must admit I'm most proud of my achievments with Denis Souza. He's gone from a rough & tumble Brazilian (my mam likes that in a man) to a long haired lady boy. That's the type of committment I'm after in a player'.

That Mashers clears that up.

Siegfried.