Unknown Player has BBSers baffled

Do you recognize this Player



He played during 1990/1991 season for Barnsley, and has not been seen since then.
Club groundsman, and longest serving member of staff, Gipsum Grassibasturd said "i recognise the face but the name eludes me, i don't remember much of him to be honest but i do recall him being very fond of our elderly tea lady, right up to the time of her forced retirement, due to her being dead."

Another club official described him as a "feisty young granny lover not afraid to break the rules"


if you have any information on this unknown player please contact the bbsmash

Thanks,
Klaus

Enigma Code Breakers Brought in to De-sipher What The Fuck Poker Players are Talking About

Used in World War 2, to help the British decrypt the enigma codes, 4 polish cryptographers have been dug up, to help all the normal non-poker playing public,find out what the fuck the poker players are talking about.Marian Rejewski one of the code breakers said "We were all happy enough in heaven, it was my turn to go kick Hitler in the bollocks, and we had a goulash and punch party planned for later that night But then i get a call from Jerzy saying he'd been dug up and taken to a shed in Northamptonshire, the next thing i know i was being bundled into the same shed".

A regular on the blue square poker circuit said "Idon’t really understand what the problem is, it reminds me of the time i got dealt a jimmy slide up 2 tone pocket with a blind hobbyists blam shank surprise in a tournament i had a couple of year ago. I thought i was gunna get 2-2'd on the craven dave, but the flop came down the river of spam and a fukin cockhound clout valve got shafted up the Jackie brown. I think it was safe to say i was lucky i didn’t get jacked by the queen with the facial arse whisper."
he went onto say "I just pawned my last pair of pants"

Meanwhile, the de-coders don’t have much hope of decrypting the language dubbed as pokish saying "As far as we can see its just random words, if they wanna talk so only their own kind understand, why don’t they fuck off to France with the rest of the nob goblins"


Klaus

Supertyke & madmark sitting in a tree....

....long time no speak Mashers! Quick update for you this fine morning.

It's been confirmed over the past week that the moaning, knows fuck all about website engineer Supertyke has finally grown some balls and proposed to the other moaning, knows fuck all about owt madmark62.

It seems that they're beady eyes met over a couple of threads where they've both moaned/complained/stamped their feet about absolutely fuck all and for no good reason.

For their first date, Supertyke took madmark62 to the Don Valley stadium to watch the friendly game against Rotherham. You may have noticed them, they were the miserable cunts sat with a flask full of bovril, a blanket over their knees and shouting 'get it darn' on a goalkick.

However, possibly the most exciting part of this romeo & juliet esque story is that madmark62 spoke to his bestest friend in the world oakwell for blessing before he bummed supertyke over his computer chair as they were talking shit about the official site.

Awww, bless.

Siegfried

barnsleyfc4life needs to grow some balls and stop apologising...

....is the message to the young scamp from the BBS Mash.

The likable rouge, best known for having each BBS member on his MSN Messenger friends list and being the fountain of Soccer Manager knowledge continually comes under attack for posting predictions, links etc.

The advice to you young sir is to tell them to f.ck off.

An alternative would be to get the tit on and say you're leaving, like everyone else.

Siegfried.

oakwell voted 'most intelligent poster'

....after minutes of research it can now be confirmed that our very own oakwell is actually the most intelligent person on this BBS.

Our resident Masher, Klaus, explained,

'We looked into the previous 3 months postings and created this complicated formulae A+2x/5F(75HG)+JGH to find who is actually the most intelligent person on this BBS.'

'Surprisingly this turned out to be oakwell. It seems that being able to wind so many people up with the same old shit week after week needs some sort of high intellect. However, this could be offset by the thick bastards who jump on their moral high horse every time he posts summat that's a bit of a pisstake.'

Another one of lifes mystery's explained.

Siegfried.

"Just Fuck Off" Says Absolutely Everyone Everywhere

"I'm leaving this board - now please leave comments below that say 'oh please don't go' and ' it wont be the same without you' this will greatly improve my knuckle shuffling, Thanks"

This is a far too familiar sight on our dear bbs, certain individuals having menstrual fueled paddys and saying there off.

The mash got blamed for ousting LDred from his prominent "Top Twat" position on the bbs, it seemed he'd had enough of being a laughing stock and buggered off, he was last seen posing in front of a speed camera wearing a Northampton kit.

The latest drop out is tyke-norway (i know its wrong way round but any resident of a country that equips its army with a pair of fucking ski's is due a bit of leeway) Aka Mr Fist. we don't actually know how this mr fist thing came about as we cant be arsed to go through all the posts. but for your leaving present we have a special ode to you

Why ever did you leave?

Did dirk get you pissed?

it will never be the same

without you Mr Fist


Klaus

'Get back to School' voted worst put down in the history of put downs.

Morning Mashers!

Hope y'all enjoyed the chicken drumsticks and kebabs at the PRSC BBQ. Wonder if anyone turned up with a Northants Kit on? Bit more relevant...

Anyways, back to the story in hand..

In a survey commissioned by leading tabloid the Barnsley Independent, 'Get back to school' has been voted the worst response on the BBS ever. It was followed by 'what time does school start?' and 'have you ever been to a match?'.

After taking comments from the 3 men who were surveyed one claimed, 'it's just shite though innit? Its only used by them blokes who don't have the intelligence to back up an argument or who get the monk on cos their fancy bloke Nardiello is plastered all over NoseNovel with some bird in Coventry'.

The BBS is all about opinions Mashers, but as we offer a public service we thought we'd clarify a very contentious point. Nardiello was/is/will always be shite. The lazy, offside standing, stuck up pretty boy that he is.

And Odejayi will score 20 goals this season with Arsene Wenger lining him up to replace Adebayor.

God bless.

Siegfried.

Homosexual Contemporary Dance Group to Perform at Open Day

F. A. G. G. E. D (The French And Gay Group of Exaggerated Dance) have been booked to preform at the Barnsley FC Open day.



The Group that also go by the name of 1PW have been looking forward to date ever since it was announced, group leader Fabio aka the masked rimmer Said "we've all been very excited, the date had been circled in all our diaries, as soon as we see that ring go up, all ours tighten and we just cant wait to get in and 'wrestle'."



Fabio who's signature move is the fag attack is set to play the part of Kayode Odejayi in the reenactment of the semi final miss. the self confessed taker said " imagine the scene a thin mist on the ring, i emerge wearing a bin bag from beneath the ring, the ball is a small Vietnamese child dressed in a white suit, and then we wrestle untill the police turn up or i come. we dabbled with a few music ideas but we settled on ebony and ivory."

It is sure to be a great day so get yourself down to the oakwell car park on 27th july!

dreamboy is expected but not wanted

Klaus

LDRed Watch - Update

****Breaking News****

We interrupt your viewing of 'Help! My arse is on fire!' to bring you some devastating news BBSers. The Cabre Tossing, Northampton town kit wearing jock LDRed has jumped ship. He's left by mutual consent. He's got the monk on.

Whichever way you wish to look at it, this is a devastating loss to the BBS. Not only will his views on speeding, football kits and Celtic players be truly missed, the real tragedy will be the loss of his unbelievable quality of being the most two-faced & unintentionally ironic poster on the BBS.

No doubt the eulogies will be pouring in over the next few minutes, however, we can't help but feel that the majority will echo 'scooterking's comments.

LDRed, we wish you well. Until you come back as NorthantScot in about 2 months.

Siegfried.

Nixon blamed for increase in local divorces

Creater of the BBS soccer manager league, Nixon, has been blamed for the sudden increase in divorces by local women.

One BBser's wife said "he just stayed up at night just talking to himself about ratings changes and wages, that don't really exist."

she went onto say "the final straw was that our sex life really started to suffer, our foreplay consisted of nipple tickling and discussing the potential of young players with Barnsleyfc4life on MSN, and when he finally gets down to business he just shouts ,'I'm going through the middle, but this will leave me weak on the flanks', he usually then just rolls over and says that he didn't feel comfortable being exposed at the rear and that someone could slip in behind at anytime.
she also said "one morning i woke up an my pubes were shaved into a 5-3-2 formation with wing back attackers, that was the day i filled for divorce"

i know this is a serious problem within the bbs, but at least its not kiddy porn

Klaus

Every player sold has 'fucked Davey's mum'....

It has been sensationally revealed today that each of the players Simon Davey has sold over the past 18 months has done his mum up the ring.

It comes after the news the Martin Devaney maybe leaving the club. There is no reason for this other than him 'fucking Davey off'.

Davey explains, 'To be honest, I wouldn't mind if they'd at least ring her (scuse the pun) afterwards. But the bastards just leave her tied up in her padded basement and locked into the swing. It's just not on and it's not the type of behaviour I expect from any of my players.'

He then goes on to explain his strategy to get round the problem:

'First things first, Devaney is a good looking bastard. I had to put a stop to that. It' s got nothing to do with the fact that he's not done too well over the past 12 months except two blinding crosses on the box.'

'To make sure I at least had 11 players, over the past 18 months I've had a policy of signing only Eastern Europenas who won't understand my Welsh mothers advances or pig ugly ones, like Odejayi and Rob Kozluk. Although, I must admit I'm most proud of my achievments with Denis Souza. He's gone from a rough & tumble Brazilian (my mam likes that in a man) to a long haired lady boy. That's the type of committment I'm after in a player'.

That Mashers clears that up.

Siegfried.

LDRed watch

Today Mashers we start a new feature - LDRed and his Irony watch.

After believing posting Northampton Towns new kit was more relevant than a supporters club we can add another beauty to the list.

LDRed, the one who once boasted that 'We all speed sometimes' has now climbed back on his moral donkey to serve sentence BFC 4 EVA!!! after his exhaust blew at 80mph. He denounced the unlucky bastard by saying 'First of all, you shouldn't have been speeding'.

I'd like to preceed that advice and direct it at Jock Boy.

'First of all, you should stop being a cunt'.

Siegfried

BREAKING NEWS.....

....the BBS is now offically nothing to do with football.

After my mums uncle who is a cleaner at the club has confirmed, Freddy Eastwood & Darren Moore is the latest rumour. However, some obnoxious twats have completely disregarded the brother who posted this as he has not made over 9000 posts.

It is also noticed that the English language is on a massive decrease, being pushed out by stupid smileys and a 'shit happens' banner. Meanwhile, Supertyke continues riding his fucking high horse on the official site. I think he's hoping a job so he can quit being the rentboy he is.

Also added to the acceptable discussion list:

• 'Braveheart' Andy Murray and his much improved one hand back hand stroke. (Didn't he do well!'

Til next time

Siegfried.

Nostradamus predicts global warming, 2% inflation, and Ipswich to Push for the Playoffs

After seeing to postings on the bbs, bookies worst enemy Nostradamus has shared his prediction on the up coming championship league.

after talking a load of shite about melting glaciers, and future terrorist attacks he final got to what everyone cares about, his personal opinion on league standings.

The bearded man said "I predict Blackpool will do a colchester, Ipswich will make a promotion push in march but will settle on a play off spot, and QPR will do fuck all."

He also added "Ian wright will make a swoop by adopting obefenwi martins, to make up for his disgraced son."

A family friend has said that "Ian has not been the same since Bradley turned down the chance
to appear in the Nintendo wii advert."


Klaus

LDred more ironic than Hitlers israeli holiday home

I know its hard to believe but that lovable cheeky Scot has done it again,

After accusing funnyfella of posting irrelevant information, in this case minutes from the penistone supporters club meeting. The Kilt clad ginger proceeded to post pictures of the Northampton home strip.

We contacted alanis morissette to see if she can some how slip some lyrics into her hit record ironic on the subject but she said "that slice of pure concentrated irony would simply cause people to have strokes, and its not worth the risk"

This begs the question is ldred just a cheeky Scot on a piss take, or a crack riddled Glaswegian Ned.

and just to clarify lives in scotland = scottish

am sure we'll find out soon


Klaus

The Mash'll fix it for you..................

Here at the BBS Mash, we love hearing your problems. We act as an unofficial agony aunt, free of charge. Over the past few days we've been inundated with an e-mail from a Mr Kowles (Hi Mr Kowles! You're BBS Badge is on it's way to you!). It said.

dEAr Bbs mASH.

i hav a problme. i av sum dificulti spilleing sumtims anfd i gte upste wen ppl sy naty tuff bout ME. prblm is DAT mi JOB mEANZ ai lt a ppl reed wat a rite (approx 300,000 unique hits a month).

dispite mY probLEM, i TRY ard. av got kdis dna itz nt nise for mui kids to see dady beeing rippd to peeses by a sd, mouning bstard bhind a PC SCWEEN. I tink E callz himsen Superted or SUMMAT.

BBS MASH, cn the fx it 4 me tht he shts th fck up & dus hs wurk experience wi mi nxt yer?

Mr Kowles, we hear at BBS Mash feel your pain. We've noticed that this Supertyke kid is a bit of a moaning bastard. From the size of the picture and font, to Don Rowing being a Director to mention but a few.

Supertyke. Please heed this advice from the bottom of the Mash's heart.

Go fuck off.

Yours

Siegfried.

It doesn't matter if it's true, he's my friend!

Site Admin have this week been accused of sitting with their fingers in their ears shouting 'ner ner ner ner ner, I can't hear you'.

After the news that a fellow Barnsley fan (but don't mention he's a convicted criminal, it's all hush hush) won £1000 (lucky bastard) on that 100 year thing. The post was promptly removed.

When the BBS Mash contacted them this week, we caught them on the number 22 stagecoach service to Hoylandswaine. Here's what they had to say:

'It want us, we dunt like them pedo sorts tha nos but we had complaints'. They also added, ''Tonights our first Admin meeting in a while. We've invitied a special guest, he's not been able to make it for 2 years for one reason or another so it al be nice to catch up like'.

To ensure confusion like this doesn't occur again we've completed a list of suitable topics/behaviour for the BBS:

• Racism
• Pornography (over 18 - there's a big difference)
• Which would be the best wank.
• Men in mid life crisis' can have pornagraphic photos as their avatar and even post pictures weekly.

But for fucks sake, don't talk about a convicted criminal.

It's Taboo.

Siegfried

Welcome to the BBS Mash

Over the past few months, I've noticed that significant amounts of shite are documented on the well known Bulletin Board System that is barnsleyfc.org.uk.

This is our poor attempt to rip the piss out of it.

Disclaimer

Please note, none of this content is to be taken seriously. It's a joke. Fucking get over yourself. It's an internet message board, FFS>